


I'm on the run and go (but tonight I'll need you to stay)

by fauu_stine



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Hackers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Character Death, Blood and Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Non-Explicit Sex, On the Run, Panic Attacks, Thriller
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:02:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23908915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fauu_stine/pseuds/fauu_stine
Summary: "What do you want?""I want to get to call you Adrian Esksett even if I hate it and I would rather call you Isak. I want to come with you."OR: a Hackers Thriller AU where Isak, Even and their friends have to run away to save their lives. But their path to freedom is strewn with guilt, secrets and betrayals.
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Comments: 14
Kudos: 102





	I'm on the run and go (but tonight I'll need you to stay)

**Author's Note:**

> heyy, I'm back with something a bit different from what I usually write I guess. don't hesitate to share what you think <3 hope you like it!
> 
> /!\ take a careful look at the tags though! this fic includes multiple references to blood, death of a character (but not evak dw), panic attacks, kind of self-harm and MI issues. it's like a dark thriller but it's still a happy ending and a love story - evak in a very different universe. if you have any doubts about whether or not it's safe for you to read you can message me or ask in the comments, no probs :)
> 
> my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/etannetsted) and [Tumblr](https://badwolf-way.tumblr.com/) if needed xx
> 
> enjoy!

There is blood on his face that isn't his.

_Focus, Isak. Focus. Name five things that you know._

"Isak, are you hurt?"

Is he?

"Isak? Do you hear me?"

Silence.

"I don't think he's hurt, it's… it's not his blood."

One; there is blood all over him that isn't his.

"Isak, get up! We have to leave, now!"

We?

"Isak? I'm sorry but we can't stay here. Can I help you?"

Two; there is someone holding him, lifting him up on his feet. They smell of cigarette smoke, mint and men's perfume. Not particularly familiar but not unknown to him either; he knows them.

"Hold on. We can't leave all his equipment here."

"Are you kidding me?! Sana, we don't have time for this!"

"We don't know what we would be leaving behind. Do you really want to take that kind of risk now?"

"Fine! But hurry the fuck up."

Three; he's at his apartment. Except it's slightly different. His grey linoleum floor isn't grey anymore. It's red. Red. Red. Red, everywhere.

"Isak? Are you with us? Stay with us. Don't forget to breathe. Can you walk? Lean on me, we can't stay here, okay?"

Four; he can't feel his body anymore. He knows it's here but it feels like cotton, like he's sleeping and this is a dreamed version of his own body. His vision is blurry. His ears are ringing. His limbs are frozen. Everything inside him has stopped working: his muscles, his brain, his lungs and his heart. It's all broken.

"I'm done."

"Great, let's go!"

"Wait! We can't leave him here! We-"

"It's too late, Eva."

"No, no, wait! What if-"

"He's dead! There is nothing we can do. Come on, we have to get the hell out of here before we get shot too!"

Five; Jonas is dead. His best friend is dead. 

_Yes, and it's all your fault, Isak. But now you have to run before you get them all killed, too._

*

Isak is sitting at the back of a van. At the front, Elias is the one driving. From the passenger sit, Sana is giving him directions. To go where? He has no idea. He doesn't care anyway. 

In front of him, Eva is curled in on herself, her face buried in her knees; she's crying, silently, but Isak knows her well enough to know that she's crying. And it's perfectly normal. Who wouldn't be crying in this situation?

Him. He isn't crying. He doesn't remember how. 

Even is sitting right next to him, body pressed against his. It's been this way since Even has pulled him off his bloody floor and dragged him into the van. He keeps giving him worried looks, like he's expecting Isak to crumble at any moment. 

He won't, though. He doesn't feel anything. Not anymore.

"We need to make a quick stop at a shop. Sana is taking care of it. Don't fucking move," Elias says as he slows down the vehicule, and a few moments later, stops on a semi-deserted supermarket parking lot.

Eva raises her head for the first time in hours. Her face is puffy with tears but her voice is surprisingly steady as she speaks. "Why? It's not even dark yet. Can't it wait?"

"Your friend is covered in blood, it's not exactly discreet. He needs to wash his face and a change of clothes before anyone sees him."

A door opens and then slams shut a couple of seconds later. Sana left.

Of course Isak knows they are talking about him and he usually hates it when people act like he's not right in front of them. It's something he has endured his whole life, for being the quiet and awkward nerd, the geek who spoke languages little understood, only machines did. So no one has ever bothered to get to know, the real him, and not the character they decided he was. No one, except Jonas.

He has neither the desire nor the strength to interfere though. They can talk all they want. It's the truth anyway, isn't it? It's everywhere on him. It's probably the reason why Eva hasn't looked at him a single time since they got in the van. But he doesn't blame her, far from it. He can't stand the sight of his own hands, of his own body either. 

In fact, he can't stand the very thought of himself, at all.

The door opens again. Sana is back.

"Even? Take this, please."

She hands him a plastic bag. Elias glances at them in his rear-view mirror.

"Even, can you take care of him? Please, get rid of this fucking blood. Clean his face and his hands, at the very least. He can take a shower once we get to the hotel."

"Sure. Okay."

Maybe they know. Maybe they know he's just an empty shell now and there is no point trying to talk to him. There is nothing left inside of him.

Elias starts the vehicle. He leaves the parking lot and drives off. Isak can't see a lot from the back but it doesn't matter, because it seems like there is nothing around them besides tall, slender trees on each side of the road. They are in the middle of nowhere. Probably heading North. Maybe leaving the country, who knows.

"Isak?" Even calls for him. "Do you want to do it or should I?" He asks carefully before showing him the bottle of water and the towel Sana bought.

It's obvious Even is trying to be sympathetic and respectful, just like he has always been with him. They haven't known each other for very long, but from day one Even has been nothing but patient with him. Most people quickly give up on Isak: he's too weird, too complicate, too much work - and he just isn't worth it. But Even didn't. He persisted in getting to know him. Sometimes, it almost felt like Even could understand him and Isak liked it.

Today, though, it makes him angry. He doesn't want Even or anyone to be kind to him. He doesn't deserve it. 

But words never come, they simply die in his throat. He doesn't want his dirty hands to touch the immaculate tissue of the towel, he doesn't want the color to turn red the same way his clothes and the floor and maybe the walls of his apartment did. He doesn't want to see the blue of Even's eyes either, the kindness and the compassion in his gaze that he doesn't deserve in any way. So Isak closes his eyes. 

He closes his eyes, doesn't say a word and lets Even touch him, gets a hand under his chin so he can raise his face and start to clean it up gently, carefully, with the wet towel. And Isak tries his best not to think about Even's hands on him or to think about his best friend's blood being washed away from his skin.

Isak is pretty sure he won't ever feel clean again.

*

_Isak is sitting in front of his computer but he can't bring himself to work on anything. He's holding his phone in his hands and keeps typing messages he doesn't send, messages he stares at for a while before erasing them. After half a hour, he sighs and decides to turn his phone off completely. He's being ridiculous! If he wants to contact Even, he should stop fidgeting and do it. Twenty hours ago he was getting very familiar with Even, in Even's bed, at Even's place, for fucks safe! Isak isn't very good with social norms, but he's pretty sure this is the kind of intimacy shared with someone that gives you enough legitimacy to reach out to him without a specific reason. Right?_

_But the thing is, Even hasn't contacted him either. What if he doesn't want to hear from Isak ever again? It doesn't make sense, though, considering they have common friends and they are all working together; they are bond to see each other again, and even quite often. So maybe it was meant to be a one time thing. Even is probably used to sleep with people while it doesn't mean anything to him. People do it all the time, isn't it? Only Isak would be a complete loser about it and get attached after only one night spent together._

_Although, Isak did run away the next morning without saying a word to Even. What if Even doesn't know what to do either? What if he is exactly in the same position than him, writing and deleting message after message?_

_This situation is insoluble and this is exactly the reason why Isak doesn't do one-night stands. There are too many unknowns, too many uncertain variables in the equation._

_He considers the problem for a bit longer before picking up his phone again, just as someone bursts in his apartment. He flinches and jumps out of his seat, even though he knows it's Jonas - the only person with a spare key of his place - and drops his phone on the floor in the process._

_"Jonas! What the fuck, can't you at least knock?!"_

_Jonas ignores him. "Isak! You need to take this!" He orders as he walks straight to him. He doesn't even spare him a glance when he puts a micro USB key between his hands._

_"What? What's going on?"_

_"Please, keep it with you. Don't lose it." Jonas looks panicked, Isak realizes._

_And Jonas is never panicked. He's the definition of chill, in every possible situation. So it means something is very wrong._

_"What is it?" Isak asks but then plugs the USB on his computer. The best way to figure it out is by opening it after all._

_"No, we don't have time for it! Isak, we-"_

_The apartment's door flies open again but this time he has no idea who the man is._

_Next thing he knows, Jonas is pushing him on the floor, right behind him, and then he's pointing a gun at the intruder._

_"Isak Valtersen?" The guy asks._

_"Yes," Jonas answers straight away. "I'm sorry", he adds, and it takes Isak way too long to understand Jonas isn't talking to the stranger but is apologizing to him._

_Gunshots ring out._

_Isak can't see the other guy but he sees it all, when Jonas shoots three times before receiving a bullet right in the head. He can see the projections and then feel the blood on his face._

_Everything that comes after is a blur. It's the heavy weight of Jonas' body against his, inert in his arms. It's his clothes feeling sticky and wet against his skin, except it's not water. It's his own cries, his own pleas in the distance, and the unbearable silence he gets in return, because the truth is, Jonas is gone already._

_And it's his own fault._

*

There is something peaceful and comforting about being underwater. 

When Isak was a child and his parents would fight all the time, he found a way to keep the sceams away. He figured out that if he filled his bathtub with water, laid down and submerged himself completely, he could no longer hear any sound from the outside world. It was just him and the water then.

Later, as he grew up, it also became a game for him. The point was to hold his breath as long as possible, until his lungs started to burn and his body would fight to resurface. It was an internal battle against himself. And sometimes, when he almost felt like he was losing consciousness due to the lack of oxygen, he wondered how long it would take his parents to find him. If he kept his head underwater a bit longer, would someone come and get him out before he choked or... Or else. So Isak became very good at this game. He stayed longer and longer. He almost blacked out a few times, waiting, always waiting longer for someone to come. But guess what?

No one ever came for him.

No one until today, at least.

"Isak, what the fuck!"

It's Even who grabs him by his shoulders and pulls his upper body out of the water until Isak is sitting in the bathtub. Isak is gasping for air then, trying to catch his breath, a reflex from his body who's immediately fighting to refill his lungs.

"You can't do that! You can't fucking give up like that!"

Even sounds panicked, almost as much as Jonas did back then. But it's only when Even takes his face between his hands and forces him to look at him straight in the eyes that Isak comes back to himself. Because Even doesn't only sound panicked; he also looks terrified.

"What?" Isak whispers, confused.

"What do you think you're doing?! There is no way I'm losing you like this. No way, you hear me?! Not after I almost lost you today already."

Oh. He gets it now.

"I wasn't doing anything," Isak protests. "It's just something silly I do, okay? I wasn't going to… It's not what you think."

It seems to calm Even down for a bit. He lets go of Isak, stares at him for a long time as his eyes get sad, almost watery, and he lets out a long sigh of relief. His whole body starts to relax slowly. He ends up sitting down on the cold tiles of the hotel room's bathroom and rests his forehead against the edge of the bathtub, as if too exhausted to hold it back any longer.

"Even, I'm sorry," Isak murmures and brings his hand to Even's head to stroke his hair softly. He doesn't know why he's apologizing for exactly, he just knows that Even is upset because of him and he can't stand the thought of it.

Even raises his head at his words and grabs Isak's hand before he has time to take it back. He squeezes it gently between his own hands and gives a quick kiss to his knuckles.

"Baby, you may think it's nothing, that it's not what you're trying to do, but... it's not something silly, it's very serious. Please don't do this again. If you feel like doing it again, talk to me, okay?"

Isak knows he's right, and that's exactly why he replies, "please don't call me that."

"What?" Even frowns, taken aback.

"You know what. Don't do it again."

Isak doesn't have the energy to explain to Even he doesn't deserve the comfort and warmth coming from the single fact of Even calling him by this sweet pet name. So he takes his hand back and withdraws from him.

"Isak, you don't have to do this."

He ignores him and turns his eyes away, staring at a crack in the wall.

Even sighs, defeated.

He stands up to pick a towel up. "The water is cold. Get out before you get sick." 

"I can't get out if you're staying here," Isak says then, making sure to avoid his gaze. It hurts too much to look.

"It's nothing I haven't seen before. You know that, right?"

This isn't Even reminding him he shouldn't be embarrassed of being naked in front of him because they slept together once. Of course not, he would never. 

This is Even telling him what happened between them meant something. This is Even asking him to trust him, asking him to not push him away. 

But he can't. Isak can't do it, even if it feels like he's tearing his already broken heart apart all over again. 

He replies, "I don't care."

And Even leaves the bathroom without a word.

*

_"Remember the first time we met?"_

_Isak opens his eyes. He's sitting on a bench in a park. He's back in Oslo. And Jonas is sitting right next to him._

_He huffs. What a silly question. "Of course I remember."_

_"I kept giving you compliments. I was trying so hard to recruit you but you were convinced I was messing with you," Jonas says and laughs at the memory. "I still don't know what made you change your mind in the end."_

_Isak can't help but smile. "You called me a genius."_

_Jonas turns his head towards him and so does lsak. They look at each other. Jonas seems skeptical. "You must have been used to being called like that, though."_

_"People called me genius to make fun of me. It was sarcastic. Or they did it with disdain, you know, like, oh it's Isak the little genius, don't mind him it's the way he is. Most of the time genius sounded like weirdo," Isak explains. "But you. You called me genius like you meant it, like I meant something to you. It was the first time it actually felt like a compliment."_

_"Isak Valtersen, you're worth so much more than what you think of yourself. And I'm not talking about your gift," Jonas says, smiling wide. "You are and always will be my friend best, and not without reason."_

_"You are mine, too. The first and only one I have ever had."_

_"I know," Jonas nods, and then looks up at the sky. It's filled with dark, threatening clouds. "It's going to rain soon. I should go."_

_He gets up. Isak follows him, once again, and grabs him by the sleeve of his jacket to hold him back._

_"Wait! Don't leave me!" Jonas turns around to face him. Isak can feel the panic rising inside of him, the fear of watching him walk away from him and never seeing him again. He begs, "stay! I don't know what to do. I'm nothing without you," with tears in his eyes._

_Jonas grins but it looks sad. He takes a step towards him and all of sudden Isak is being hugged by his best friend. He can't remember if it ever happened before._

_"Issy," he whispers close to his ear, his fingers brushing his hair gently. "You don't have a choice. You failed me. Now you have to keep going, I can't do anything for you anymore."_

_"What?"_

_Jonas lets go of him. His eyes are hard and distant. I disappointed him, Isak realizes._

_"Take care, Isak," Jonas says before turning his back on him and walking away. Isak tries to run after him but his legs won't move, his feet are stuck to the ground._

_There is a thunderclap and then rain falls on the park. Isak screams and begs and sobs but his voice gets lost in the din of the storm._

_He looks up at his hands then, and sees only red._

*

Isak wakes up and the first thing he notices is Even leaning above him. 

The second thing is that he can't breathe properly.

"Isak, come back to me. It was only a nightmare. Please, try to breathe." 

_Think about what I taught you. Name five things that you know for sure._

Nothing looks familiar. He doesn't recognize the ugly brownish wallpaper, the worn and threadbare carpet nor the uncomfortable bed he's lying in.

One; he's in a shitty hotel room.

"Isak, try to do like me, okay? Inhale slowly, then-"

His lungs feel like they are going to explode. Like when he's holding his breath underwater, except this time he has no control over it.

Two; he's suffocating, he's-

_Focus, Isak. It doesn't help._

"Listen to my voice," Even says, so Isak tries as hard as he can to direct all his thoughts on him. He tries to focus on Even's deep voice, on his large hands holding his face, on the delicate way he has of stroking his cheek with his thumb, on his blue comforting eyes watching him.

Three; Even's touch is the only one that ever made him feel good.

Four; Even's voice is the only one that never made him feel small.

Five; Even's gaze is the only one that ever made him feel safe.

"That's it, perfect, you're doing great, baby."

It takes a while but eventually, Isak manages to catch his breath. He stops hearing his own heart beating too fast in his ears, the knot in his throat seems to be untangling.

"Are you okay?"

Isak checks his hands and sees nothing but outwardly clean hands.

"I'm okay."

"What was the nightmare about? Do you want to talk about it?"

"I- I don't remember," Isak lies. He glances at Even quickly and it's obvious Even doesn't believe him. Nonetheless, he doesn't call him out on it.

"Right."

"Where are the others?" Isak asks as he notices they are the only two people in the room.

"On the phone with Yousef, discussing the plan for the next few days. Eva said you usually have trouble sleeping so they didn't want to wake you up."

"Yousef?"

"Elias' and Sana's contact. He's working on finding us a safe place to hide."

Isak nods. He's not used to trusting people. Jonas was the one making all the decisions and Isak always followed because at the end of the day he knew he could trust him, no matter what. So even though they've been working with the Bakkoush siblings for a few months and Jonas trusted them at 100%, he can't help but be cautious. Thankfully Eva is with them right now, and she's been helping Jonas and him long enough for him to know he can always count on her.

And then there is Even. Even, that Isak doesn't even know that well and yet he still feels inexplicably drawn to him. He was working with the Bakkoush from the beginning of their collaboration so Isak saw him quite often. They had no reason to interact though; Isak being a hacker, if he had to work directly with someone, it was with Sana. He spoke to Elias a few times when he wanted him - them, Sana and him - to explain to him what they were doing or what they had found. But Even was doing the same kind of work than Eva: they had connections and they were using them to get what they wanted. What they did occured on the field, not in front of a computer. They were very good at using their words and their charm to manipulate people into giving them information. Isak had seen Eva in action a couple of times and he remains impressed by her assertiveness. She knows what she's doing. And Isak has no doubt that Even's great at his job, too; he's not with the Bakkoush for nothing after all.

The thing is, though, Isak has never felt like Even was using his tricks on him. He wasn't cocky; on the contrary, he was sometimes as shy as Isak. The night they had slept together, Even had spent most of the night looking at him from afar but he never came to him. It's Jonas who lost his patience and forced Isak to go talk to him. Only from then did they drink and end up making out in a corner until Even proposed to take him back to his place. 

The rest was history.

Bottom line is, "real life Even" is nothing like "on the job Even". That's why it doesn't come as a surprise when Even suggests, "I can leave if you want, give you some space. I can also ask Eva to come back. Whatever you want," all while looking sad and unsure, sitting on the edge of his bed like he's scared he's going to offend Isak by taking too much space.

Isak knows it's his own fault after he behavior a few hours ago in the bathroom. But tonight he's too tired to fight against his own feelings so…

So he takes Even's hand and says, "can you stay with me instead?"

Even arches an eyebrow, obviously not expecting this proposition, but nods anyway. Isak moves to make space for Even next to him in his bed and even lifts his blanket up so Even can slip under it. Once he's settled, Isak doesn't think twice and snuggles against him, burying his face in the crook of his neck, bodies squeezed together, an arm around Even's waist.

"Is it okay?" He murmures against Even's skin. His heart already knows the answer but his brain, always the pessimistic one, thinks he should check, just in case.

"Of course," Even says before pressing a kiss on the top of Isak's hair.

Then he cuddles Isak a bit tighter against him.

As Isak closes his eyes, he thinks about the morning he woke up next to Even but ran away because he was too scared to ask what it meant. If only he had stayed then, safe in Even's arms, surely Jonas would still be alive then. Maybe he wouldn't have had any reason to come to his place, only to be shot dead.

 _Yes, if only you hadn't failed me, Issy_.

*

It's early morning, the sun isn't up yet, but they are all already awake and gathered in the middle of the hotel room, ready to leave. They only have a few details to clear up before getting on the road again.

"Yousef got us a new vehicle. I got rid of the other during the night and picked up the new one, it's ready on the parking lot," Elias explains with his serious and steady voice of leader. Jonas had a similar one when he was giving orders, too.

"I checked and I found no camera. We are safe for now," Sana adds.

"Safe," Eva snorts. "If we are safe why am I running away, huh?"

_Because of you, Issy._

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Isak clenches his fists resting on his thighs, hard enough to dig his nails into the palms of his hands. The pain almost makes him feel better. Almost.

"They have Isak's name and they had Jonas. Chances are they were able to trace back to you, too. You really want to take that risk?" Sana retorts, clearly annoyed. She doesn't like having to point out what she considers obvious.

" _Fine_. It's not like I have anything better to do anyway," Eva mutters. She's deflecting. It's a coping mechanism. She's trying to pretend she doesn't care so that she doesn't have to face the reality, which is: her life has been ruined, because of Isak, and she lost Jonas forever.

Elias clears his throat before he resumes speaking, "we need to spend one more night in a hotel before Yousef sends us the address of the place he found us. There, we should be fine for a little while."

"And then what?" Eva asks.

"And then we make you new identifies and we send you far away from Norway."

Eva doesn't say anything else. Actually, no one does.

Isak clenches his fists even harder. The thing is, he has never left the country. Before having Jonas by his side, he was used to be living alone in a familiar environment. That was one thing. He knew Oslo. He knew the rules. But to live alone in a place that is completely unknown to him? He is terrified at the simple idea of it.

_You brought it on yourself though. You're the one who fucked up._

Elias is saying something else but Isak isn't listening anymore. His ears are ringing again. He feels his heart in his throat. And he's burying his nails even deeper in the skin of his hands.

This is Even who brings him back to reality.

"Don't," he whispers, quiet enough that only Isak hears him. And then, without taking his eyes away from Elias, he puts his hands on Isak's fists and slowly loosens them. 

Instead of letting Isak hurt himself, Even makes him hold his hands and Isak doesn't fight him back; although he tries hard not to stare at their intertwined fingers sitting on his thighs and not to think about how comforting this sight is.

*

_"It's going to be called "the Robin Hood operation", Jonas states with a proud look on his face. He just showed up at Isak's apartment, all excited, because he finally found the perfect name for what they were planning. Isak couldn't care less about names, but Jonas couldn't live without it apparently._

_This name though… Isak can't help but laugh at him. "Of course you would call it like that. You're so pretentious."_

_"What? It's a great name! And it fits perfectly. We steal from the the rich to give to the poor. It makes perfect sense!" Jonas argues._

_"I didn't say it didn't make sense. I said it was pretentious. You're literally calling yourself Robin Hood."_

_"I never said I was Robin Hood in this scenario," Jonas pouts. Isak knows him by now. He never called himself Robin Hood out loud but he definitely thought about it._

_He shrugs. "Sure."_

_"And by the way, we are not stealing. We are smarter than this. We aren't criminals."_

_"Jonas," Isak rolls his eyes. "We are hacking and blackmailing people. We are criminals."_

_"But not thieves!"_

_"You're lying to yourself," Isak chuckles._

_The Robin Hood operation, or whatever name Jonas wants to give it, has always been Jonas' dream and somehow, he has decided to make Isak a part of it. Isak has never been into politics and he wasn't a rebel. But he was sick of being stuck in a meaningless life and Jonas was giving him exactly what he needed: a purpose. For the first time in his life, he felt like he was useful._

_And the job is easy for him because Jonas's right: he's a genius. A criminal, but a genius nonetheless. He could hack anyone and get sensitive content about them. He could find materials for Jonas to use against the people they were fighting against or at the very least people Eva could manipulate into giving information. They would blackmail the rich and powerful people into giving their money away to the poorest. It was a Robin Hood plan, no doubt._

_And Isak is a part of it because Jonas believes he's worth it._

_"It was a mistake though," Jonas says all of sudden and Isak frowns._

_"What?"_

_"I can hear you think," his best friend clarifies. "I gave you my trust and for what? I'm fucking dead, Issy."_

_"It's not funny," Isak protests. "Don't joke about that."_

_"I'm not joking, it just didn't happen yet. You're going to get me killed. And you know what's the worst part? You're going to run away without looking for the traitor. Because there is always a traitor, Issy. I gave you the answers but you're too blind to see it. Open your eyes! If you're my friend, open your eyes and get revenge for me!"_

*

Isak wakes up. He knows what to do next.

*

Isak's never been more grateful to have Sana by his side; without her, no one would have thought to take his computer, the one with the USB key Jonas wanted to show him still inside. The past couple of days, he has been so overwhelmed by Jonas' death that he forgot why his friend was at his apartment in the first place. But now he knows, the truth is right in front of him.

And it's wrecking him.

Jonas was right; there is always a traitor. But Isak would have never thought it would be Even, the only person who had made him feel a little bit better. 

Turn out, he's responsible for everything that went wrong.

*

First, he steals Jonas' revolver - Elias picked it up from Jonas' hand back at his apartment, and then hid it in one of their bags. Isak still remembers the day Jonas taught Eva and him how to use a gun, "just in case". 

Maybe today he could use this knowledge to protect them, since he failed last time.

Second, he wakes Eva up. They are all sharing the same hotel room so it's a tricky process to get the both of them out without waking anyone up. He motions for her to stay silent and glances at the door. Eva immediately nods in understanding. Isak wasn't sure whether she would agree to follow him or not, but it seems like she still trusts him enough to listen to him without asking any question. 

In the end, they make it outside and no one calls after them.

"Isak? What's going on? Why did you take a bag?" She asks once they are far away from the hotel, at the border of the wood surrounding the establishment.

He doesn't have a specific plan in mind. He just knows that he needs to get them out of here as fast as possible, even if it means running away in an unknown forest in the middle of the night.

"Where are we going?!" She raises her voice this time, alarmed.

He stops and turns around to face her. 

"Jonas gave me something before… before what happened. I finally looked at it," he tries to explain but he has to take a short break to breathe. 

_Not now. Stay calm, not now._

"I'm sorry I should have done it sooner, it's… We can't trust anyone but us, okay? We need to leave," he says simply, but by Eva's look he knows she's not going to be satisfied with so little information.

"What are you talking about? What did you find?!"

He hears the sound of branches cracking under someone's footsteps before he sees Even appear from the darkness of the forest. 

He followed them. 

"Even?" Eva calls when she sees him. She makes a move to walk to him.

_Isak, you need to act fast before he takes her away too!_

Isak doesn't hesitate. He grabs Eva's arm and pulls her behind him. Then he takes the gun out of his jacket and points it at Even.

"Isak, what the fuck!" Eva yells.

Even stays perfectly impassive though. His voice is calm and steady as he says, "Isak, I can explain. It's not what you think."

Isak avoids looking straight in his eyes at all costs. He can't. He needs to stay focused. He can't get weak again.

"Fuck you! I'm not listening to any of your lies anymore!"

_It's too late to run now, you understand Isak? You have to shot him. It's the only way out._

"What's going on?!" Eva asks again.

"Tell her your name," Isak demands then.

"You know my name. It's Even."

"Stop messing with us! Your full name."

Even sighs, takes a step towards them. 

"Don't move!"

"Isak, put the gun down. I'm not going to hurt you."

Isak lets out a nervous chuckle. "No? The same way you didn't hurt Jonas?"

"I didn't do anything to Jonas."

"No. You sent someone to take care of the dirty work." Isak loads the gun. "Now tell her your full name."

Even raises his hands in surrender. "Even Bech Næsheim."

"Næsheim? Like in…" Eva whispers.

"Like in Næsheim corporation," Isak finishes for her. "Like in Jan Næsheim, the last person Jonas blackmailed. The person who sent someone to kill Jonas. Even is his son!"

"Isak, listen, I'm not the enemy, I-"

"What about Sana and Elias?" Eva intervenes, her voice shaky.

"There is no way they don't know about him. There is no way they would hire someone without checking who the fuck he is."

"That's not what you think", Even tries again. "We wanted to protect you."

There are so many things Isak doesn't understand. How did Jonas find the information about Even? Why did he look in the first place? When Isak agreed to work with Jonas, they decided he would never use innocent family members to hurt the people they were going after, and as far as he knows, Even was never involved in his father's business. Isak had read rumours about Næsheim's son mental illness and deduced that this was the reason why he was being shut out of the family company. He didn't even find a single picture of him online.

But somehow Jonas did. He found a birth certificate and many pictures of Even at different ages. And Isak has no idea how or why.

What he knows though, is that Even lied. And not just Even; the Bakkoush siblings too. Chances are Eva and him weren't taken to a brand new life. Næsheim had other plans for them.

_Kill him like he killed me, Issy. Get rid of him and run with Eva._

"Isak, give me the gun, you don't have to do it," Eva starts imploring, tears in her voice.

"Jonas is dead because of him!" 

Isak can't believe he let his guards down for him. He's been fooled all along; Even never took any interest in him. He slept with him and made him believe he could trust him only to trick him more easily. Once again, he's been too weak. Not good enough.

It's the story of his life.

_Isak! I deserve revenge!_

"Isak, look at me! I'm on your side! Please, believe me!" Even loses his cool all of sudden. It makes Isak glance at him, green eyes meeting blue, and from then he knows it's pointless.

He can't pull the trigger. 

"Isak!" He hears Eva scream.

Someone hits him from behind and everything goes black.

*

_Isak is standing in the middle of nowhere._

_No, not nowhere. This is a forest. A forest where the light cannot find its way through, where the trees are staring at him with a mocking grin, laughing out loud at the sight of his distress and confusion. There is no way out, no end to his run as he desperately tries to escape an invisible danger._

_All of a sudden it becomes impossible for him to keep running; his feet sink into the mud as if the earth is trying to swallow him up, while the trees keep laughing at him._

_Then he sees Jonas standing a few steps away from him. He looks at him without seeing him and when Isak calls his name, he doesn't seem to hear him._

_A shadow appears behind Jonas._

_Isak tries to tell him, but no matter how loud he's yelling, his friend doesn't react. He's fighting to free himself from the mire but it's holding him back as if it's concrete._

_It's too late then, darkness surrounds Jonas right in front of his eyes._

_Then there's a long silence. Even the trees go quiet. That's when he starts to see her: the shadow is slowly turning into a silhouette, so that he can almost see a face in the dark cloud, although he can't identify it. It smiles at him, taunting him like the trees did before, savouring his helplessness._

_"Isak, why aren't you doing anything?" Jonas asks all of sudden._

_But I swear I'm trying, Isak wants to scream, except now he can't speak. His voice is gone, the words remain stuck in his throat._

_Finally darkness flies through Jonas before it disappears. After that, there's blood everywhere. Jonas is still standing in front of him but he's bleeding out. It runs down his body and his arms; even his face, his eyes, his mouth, are drowning in a stream so dark that it almost looks black._

_Isak feels himself sinking into the earth again, except it isn't mud anymore; he sees red all around him. He's sinking into the abyss, in a pool of his best friend's blood._

*

When Isak regains consciousness, his hands and feet are tied tightly and his head hurts. 

It takes a while for him to make sense of the situation, to remember the forest, the gun in his hands, Even's eyes on him and what stopped him to do the irreparable. Someone knocked him down. Probably Elias.

He blinks until his vision stops being blurry: he's back at the hotel room and everybody's staring at him, waiting for him to wake up. 

His first reflex is to call Eva's name, to make sure she isn't hurt.

"I'm here. I'm okay," she replies immediately. She walks to him and offers him a glass of water. That's when he realizes she isn't tied up like he is.

"What the fuck is going on?!"

"Calm down," Sana snaps at him. "I can't believe you almost shot Even!"

"He wouldn't have done it," Eva assures. She's right but he would rather not admit it out loud for now.

"I can't believe you got Jonas killed," he says instead. 

Sana pinches her nose like he's being ridiculous. "Valtersen, get your shit together. Do you really think we are working for Næsheim?"

It seems unlikely, indeed, but at this point he doesn't know what to think anymore. Jonas brought him the information about Even for a reason.

"Even is his son."

"Yes, so what? We didn't tell Jonas or any of you," she waves at Eva and him as she speaks, "not because we are working with this piece of trash but because it was safer that way. It wasn't relevant at the moment. Even has been working with us for a very long time, we know he's reliable, that's what matters."

Isak doesn't know what to say anymore. Like always, when Sana says something, it makes perfect sense. But he also doesn't trust his own judgment anymore. He's scared to be wrong again, to put the people he cares about and himself at risk again by being too naive and reckless.

"I trust them," Eva states. 

Isak looks at her, at her determination. Should he trust them too?

"Isak, as soon as I heard about my father's plan, I called you. But your phone was turn off so I called Jonas. And then I called everybody," Even explains. He looks sad and Isak can't bear the sight of him.

The guy Næsheim sent asked for him, _Isak Valtersen_ , not Jonas. Isak always thought he was the one who made a mistake while he was hacking the corporation and that's how they found him. And Jonas just happened to be there at the wrong time. In his mind, Isak's always been the one and only responsible.

But he wasn't the only one anymore. Because Jonas would have never been at his apartment, taking a bullet for him, if it wasn't for Even calling him.

"Why did you call him?!" He hears himself yelling, losing control completely. "It's all your fault! You sent him to my apartment, to his death!"

"No! I was trying to save _you_. I told him to wait for us, I told him to-"

"Fuck you! I never asked you to save me! You think you're a fucking hero?!"

"Isak, calm down," Elias intervenes. "He was trying to save your ass, alright?!"

"I didn't need him to!"

"Oh yeah? Well, guess what? It was you or Jonas. We arrived too late, you realize that? If Jonas hadn't been there, you would be fucking dead, you hear me?!"

"I'm sorry, Isak," Even whispers.

"Don't apologize, Elias is right," Sana tells him. "Isak, we leave in 5 minutes. Calm down or I swear you will spend the drive tied up in the trunk."

He doesn't reply. She would do it, no doubt about it.

"Okay, Isak?" Eva asks as she sits next to him, a pair of scissors in her hands.

Isak takes a deep breath. He must protect her, she's all he has left in this world. And he's not helping her by going after Even.

_Did you forget about me already, Issy?_

He shakes his head. 

"Okay."

Eva cuts the ties and frees him.

*

It's a long day of driving, spent mostly in silent, the atmosphere heavy and tense. Isak stays as far away from Even as it is possible in such a narrow space, and doesn't talk to anyone. The only presence he can stand is Eva's.

So it's a relief when they finally arrive at destination. Isak was expecting another hotel but it ends up being a cabin, lost in the middle of the trees and the mountains, probably kilometers away from any civilisation. It's quite a nice place compared to the last few days. And it's big enough for Isak to find a room and hide there until it's time for him to disappear from the country. This is his plan from now on.

Yousef didn't just find the place, he brought all the necessary equipment to take care of their future new identities and he stayed, waiting for them when they arrive. By the way he's looking at Sana and she's looking back at him, Isak is pretty sure they are a thing.

Whatever. He doesn't care about others' personal life anymore.

"There is plenty of space, so make yourself comfortable. We will start working on your new passports tomorrow. Just relax now, you are safe," Elias tells him. He's definitely staring at him when he says _relax._

Fuck it.

Isak can feel the weight of Even's eyes on him, the same way than in the car, but he won't acknowledge him. In his mind, he's not even in the same room than him.

In his heart? That's another story. But Isak is done listening to it. It's been a mistake from the beginning.

As soon as Elias is done speaking, Isak climbs the first stairs he sees and heads for the farthest room. He barely has the time to close the door and sits on the bed though, before someone knocks on the door.

"Fuck off, Even," he snaps without thinking twice.

"It's not Even, dickhead," he hears Eva talk back. She opens the door and walks into the room without waiting for an answer from him. "Are you mad at me, too?"

He shakes his head. Of course not. She's the only one who never lied to him.

_Eva and me, Issy. Don't forget about me._

"But you're mad at me," Isak says. It's not a question. He knows she has dozens of reasons to be angry at him. To hate him, even.

And yet, she looks confused at his statement. "Why would I be?"

He can't help but huff. He's not in the mood for this. "You don't have to pretend, I'm not doing stupid things like stealing a gun and threatening people again."

"You make no sense."

"Jonas is dead because of me. And Even. But mostly me, I know it. That's a hell of a good reason to be mad at me if you ask me."

"Even hasn't done anything wrong, he wanted to save your life, ungrateful idiot! And how is it your fault, exactly?" Eva asks in a defiant tone, crossing her arms across her chest. This time she looks annoyed.

"They knew my name, my full name. It's obvious I fucked up somewhere. I have no idea _how_ but I did. How else would they have known who I was?"

"You don't know that. Maybe Jonas fucked up. Maybe I did. Or maybe they were just better than us. You don't know anything for sure," she insists. "And Jonas knew what he was getting himself into, more than anybody else. He's the one who recruited us! He knew his life was in danger."

"You're talking like he died and it's whatever. Like it was occupational hazard and it doesn't really matter."

He regrets his words the second he says it, but it's too late; he can see the pain on Eva's face as she stands in front him, speechless. He's expecting her to yell at him, or cry, or storm out of the room for good at any moment.

"You're wrong," is what she ends up saying though, before laying down on the bed next to him, staring at the ceiling. "I miss him all the time. It hurts all the time. But if I let my emotions get the better of me, I may as well be dead already. I need to keep going until we are safe, you understand? But it doesn't mean I don't care. It doesn't mean I'm not waking up every morning thinking today is the day I should tell him how I feel, even though now it's too late." She wipes a tear from her cheek. "Sometimes I think about what he would say if he was still with us and I can almost hear his voice."

Isak's heart skips a beat. "You hear him too?"

"What?" Eva frowns.

_It's between you and me, Issy. It's for you, only._

"Nothing," he whispers. "I miss him, too."

Eva takes his hand then, and squeezes it.

"Don't push me away. We are stuck together, okay? We will run away and survive together."

"Okay."

"Can I sleep with you tonight?"

Isak glances at her. For the first time since Jonas left them, she looks small and fragile. 

She's right; she's been so strong for the both of them for days. Now it's his turn to take care of her. To make sure they are going to make it alive.

"Okay," he nods again.

*

_They are back on their bench. It's dark and windy and cold, like his heart._

_"So you're giving up on me?" Jonas asks. It's the first time Isak hears so much disappointment and resentment in his voice when he's speaking to him, and needless to say, it's breaking him all over again._

_"What do you want me to do? You were wrong. Even isn't a traitor. You can't choose your parents," he tries to protest._

_"So you're going to leave the country and forget about what his father has done to me? To us?" Jonas retorts, standing up. "You're not even going to fight for me?!"_

_"What am I supposed to do?!"_

_His body is shaking furiously and he can feel tears blurring his vision. It isn't fair! He's helpless. He isn't a hero, he's just a nerd with hacking skills he can't even use properly._

_"You're supposed to be a genius. Think of something. Get revenge for me. Destroy their empire."_

_"I'm not a genius. You were wrong."_

_It's disdain he's reading in Jonas' eyes now and he deserves it. He deserves all of it._

_"Then I have no business being here."_

_"What? You're leaving?" Isak panics. This is all he has left of Jonas. If he leaves too, he's gone for good and he will never see him again. Never speak to him again. "Wait! I can do it!"_

_"Don't bother," Jonas dismisses him and then starts walking away from the bench, walking away from him._

_"Jonas! Come back! I will do it!" He's yelling but Jonas won't stop, and soon he's nowhere to be seen._

*

"Adrian Eksett," Isak reads out loud. "Adrian," he tries again.

From now on, Isak Valtersen is dead. His name is Adrian Eksett.

It's weird. For as long as he can remember, Isak has always wanted to be someone else. Someone more "normal", someone who could tell stories and joke at parties without being awkward, someone who could flirt and kiss men without shame, someone confident enough to not feel like everyday he had to fight harder to keep people's interest, someone who was good enough so friends and lovers would stay by his side.

Today, he has a new identify, a new life, a new chance to be whoever he wants to be.

And yet, he misses being Isak Valtersen already. How ironic.

"It's weird at first but you will get use to it," Yousef says with a kind smile.

"Because you know how it feels?" Sana teases him. "Eva, how about yours?"

Isak leaves the room with his new passport in his hands. He doesn't even know if he's going to use it. Maybe he should take Eva to the airport, make sure she gets on the plane and then leaves her. He has to get revenge for Jonas but she deserves a fresh start.

Him, he still has a debt to pay.

"So, Adrian Eksett?"

He's been staying at the cabin for three days and somehow he has managed to avoid Even most of the time. Worst case scenario, if they were in the same room, they were always with the others.

Isak didn't know what he would do if he was left alone with Even. After his first night at the cabin, he realized he had no right to be angry at him. And truth to be told, he was angry at himself, way more than he has ever been at Even. After all, how was he supposed to hate someone who has saved his life? 

How was he supposed to hate someone who made him feel safe? Understood?

Loved.

That's the reason why he can't trust himself around Even. He wants him as much as he wants justice for Jonas, and both can't work together. 

And yet, "what do you want?" Isak asks him anyway, alone in a room with him, their friends busy somewhere else in the cabin.

"I want to get to call you Adrian Esksett even if I hate it and I would rather call you Isak. I want to come with you."

Isak turns around. Even is looking more serious than ever, even more than the night Isak pointed a gun at him, which should be impossible.

"What?"

"I don't care if you hate me now. I want to come with you."

"I don't hate you," Isak sighs. "But you can't. You have a life here."

"A life?" Even scoffs. "Do you really think my father hasn't figured it out by now? I'm a dead man as much as you are."

"He's your father."

"He's a monster. It doesn't make a difference for him."

So now it seems like he hasn't just got Jonas killed and ruined Eva's life. He took down Even with him, too.

"Stop blaming yourself for everything that happened," Even tells him.

_Don't listen to him no more. It's him or me, Issy._

It's back. The voice is back. But Isak doesn't know if it truly is a relief.

"Maybe you should start blaming yourself a little bit more," Isak bites back. 

If he's hurting Even enough, surely he will turn his back on him and give up. If Even hates him, it will be easier to forget about the new life Isak could have had with him and make the people who took Jonas' life away pay for it.

"You don't mean it," Even retorts. He's calm and determined. He's figured out Isak's tricks by now, how he pushes people away on purpose but never means any of the words he says. 

_Tell him he means nothing. Tell him I'm more important._

"I don't know what you think we are but let's be clear, you're nothing to me, alright?" Isak keeps going. He's clenching his fists again, his nails biting his skin and the pain forcing him to ignore how heartbreaking it is to lie to Even, to pretend that what he feels for him is not all he has ever dreamed of.

To love and be loved in return.

"Why are you doing this?" Even asks. His face is blank but his voice betrays him. It's a bit shaky, a bit wet, a bit broken.

"Because it's the truth. I'm being honest, that's all."

Even shakes his head. "You're lying," he states and starts walking to him.

_Stay strong, Isak. He wants you to forget about me. Is it what you want?_

"I don't want to," Isak murmures.

"What?"

_Focus, Issy._

"Just leave me alone, Even."

Even is standing in front of him now. He smells of shampoo, of cigarette smoke and of the clementine he ate a few minutes ago as he was watching Yousef giving Eva and him their new passports. He smells of comfort and home.

Isak misses him even though he's right in front of him. He wonders how much he's going to miss him if he leaves tomorrow.

 _If? You're leaving, Isak. You have to. Or I'm the one leaving, remember?_

"Look at me in the eyes and tell me to fuck off," Even demands.

_You can do it, Issy._

Isak looks up and immediately catches Even's blue and mesmerizing eyes. He can't look away. He can't form a word either. He's stuck and it isn't fair.

"Say it, baby," Even insists, his mouth so close to him than Isak can feel his breath on his cheek, and that's finally the moment he breaks. 

"I don't want to lose him, Even! I don't want him to leave me!"

_Stop talking! You're ruining everything!_

"I've been hearing his voice all along and he asked me to get revenge for him! I have to! If I don't, I will lose him forever!"

"Isak, calm down, it's going to be okay."

Even takes him into his arms and Isak lets him. He has a hand rubbing his back and the other is holding his face, stroking his cheek softly and maintaining eye contact.

"It's my fault if he died! I owe him, I-"

"Isak, listen to me! It's not your fault," Even cuts him off. "I know how they found your name and it has nothing to do with you."

"What?"

"It was Jonas' fault. His fault and only his. He fucked up and put you in danger. Not the contrary, alright?"

Isak pushes him away. He can't believe it. 

"What are you talking about?!"

"Jonas lied to you; the blackmail didn't work on my father. They made fun of him and Jonas got so mad that he started digging into my family history," Even explains.

"That's not true," Isak protests. "Jonas and I, we had a rule: we don't go after innocents. We don't use innocent family members."

"He broke your rule."

Did he?

"Jonas paid a private investigator who found information on me and gave them to Jonas. Except the same investigator got paid much more by my father to find Jonas' hacker. To find _you_ , Isak. That's how they got your name. That's how they sent someone to get rid of you. Jonas is the one who gave away too much information to the wrong person and exposed you. He got himself killed on his own, you understand?" 

Isal feels like throwing up. All this time he was convinced he was the one who let his best friend down, who ruined the whole operation. He thought he had blood on his hands.

Turn out Jonas was the one who betrayed them. _Him_.

"I'm so sorry," he hears Even say. "Since I started working with Elias and Sana, I was pretending to take interest in my father's business. That's how I heard one of his men joking about their plan to kill you. But it was too late already..."

_I'm sorry, Issy. I was trying to take them down. It was for the plan._

"What am I supposed to do now?" Isak whispers, defeated.

"Do what you really want to do, not what you think Jonas wanted. Be whoever you want to be, not what he wanted you to be. You owe nothing to anyone. Isak, it's your decision to make and yours only."

Isak closes his eyes and listens. 

He doesn't listen to the wind outside, his friends talking in the other room, Even's breathing close to him, nor his best friend's voice inside his head. All of this fades away.

This time, he listens to his heart.

And then he says;

"My name is Adrian Eksett."

*

Tonight, the outside world seems far away. 

Tonight, reality comes down to Even only. 

To the tender way he kisses Isak, lips brushing each other slowly before tongues meet, like a languid embrace. 

To his weight on top of him and the way he feels inside of him, bodies intertwined as tight as it is humanly possible, Isak's legs wrapped around his waist to pull him closer and deeper at every move Even makes.

To his hands wandering everywhere on his skin, stroking, scratching and pressing where it feels good, leaving an invisible trail of fingerprints on the expanse of his pristine flesh.

It's different from the first time they did this together. Less rushed, more intimate. And also full of promises that Isak can't let himself believe in just yet, although it will come soon enough.

"Where do you want to go?" Even asks as he's running his tongue along his neck, his mouth searching for a sensitive spot to make him lose his mind even more.

"Hm?"

"Pick a country. Somewhere you've always dreamed to go."

Even finds the spot and bites lightly into the skin. It makes Isak moan and arch his hips higher. He has no idea how Even expects him to hold a conversation in these circumstances. He can barely form a coherent thought.

"Fuck. I don't know. I never thought about leaving Norway before."

"Really?" Even whispers against his ear, his mouth having travelled higher. 

He licks it knowing full well Isak hates it, and then chuckles at his offended groan.

"Asshole."

"I can see you on a beach, laying in the sand, skin tanned and glowing, drinking coconuts," Even ignores him and keeps going, a smirk on his lips.

"Very cliché."

"I love clichés. Let's go to Bali."

"Whatever you want as long as you shut up and finish what you started."

Even laughs shamelessly, and Isak has never seen him more beautiful than right at this moment, hair messy and sticky from the sweat, cheeks flushed from the heat, lips raw after kissing for hours, his smile genuine and his eyes sparkling from joy. 

That's when Isak realizes; he should be heartbroken after Even's revelations on Jonas, and yet-

He's never been happier than tonight, wrapped in Even's arms.

*

It's almost dawn when Isak settles on Even's chest. He's sleepy but he wants to stay awake - to enjoy this moment of bliss as long as possible, to stay away from the nightmares waiting for him. 

Tomorrow can wait.

"Are you thinking about him?" Even asks. Sometimes Isak wonders if he's capable of reading his mind.

"No," Isak says at first, and then adds, "I'm trying not to."

"It's okay to be upset. It's also okay to miss him. You know that, right?"

"I'm just… I'm disappointed. To me, he was perfect. I was so blind, I never realized he could make mistakes too. Pride mistakes, even less."

"When it comes to people we love, we are very often blind to their flaws."

Isak opens and closes his mouth a few times before he dares to ask, "are you disappointed in me?"

"What?"

"I jumped to conclusions, doubted you, pointed a fucking gun at you. How do you not hate me? Surely you can't forgive me."

"Isak. You saw your best friend get killed right in front of you... I think you have every right to have trust issues. As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing to forgive so you should forgive yourself first." 

Even leans to kiss his forehead gently. Isak sighs then, letting go of a fear he didn't realize was eating him alive until now.

That's what it means to be safe, and not only physically. That's what it means to be with someone who will love your darkest parts as much as your best. Who will love you, unconditionally.

That's the biggest relief one can experience, he believes.

So;

"I miss him," Isak confesses, because with Even, he can.

"I'm sorry, baby."

"And I'm scared I will hear him forever," he murmurs. "What if I'm sick."

Even swallows audibly before asking, "what do you mean?"

"My mom, she used to hear voices too. What if I'm like her."

"You're grieving. It's part of it."

"What if it isn't though?"

Even is silent for a little while, probably thinking about his next words carefully. Isak hears nothing but the sound of their breathing and the beating of his own heart, a bit too fast, a bit too loud in the silence of the room.

"Then we will deal with it," Even answers eventually, his voice confident. "Together."

"Together?"

This sounds like a dream, like something Isak never thought he would be allowed to have. But it's right here for the taking, and who is he to deny himself the miracle that is Even Bech Næsheim? He's done being a fool.

Even cradles him closer against his body and kisses him, a delicate brush of lips.

Then he nods; 

"On the run and go. Together."


End file.
